PIGEON FOUND GUILTY OF USING CHEMICAL WARFARE IN WWI

Recently, some military historians have found evidence of a former messenger pigeon going rogue and dropping poison gas on both German and French lines in WWI. The pigeon, named Jimothy Fealton, was born on the 8th of April 1912. He began his career as a racing pigeon, with varying degrees of success. On the outbreak of war in 1914, Fealton became a messenger pigeon for the British Expeditionary Force, successfully delivering many important messages during his military career. However, in Battle of Passchendaele in 1917, Fealton was stunned by a nearby explosion and went AWOL. He was to return in February 1918, although by this point, he had gone rogue and would drop unexploded gas shells indiscriminately on both German and British lines. These horrific attacks would kill hundreds of soldiers and maim many more. Eventually, his reign of terror was ended on the 20th of May 1918, when he was shot down by French flying ace René Fonck.

Fonck poses for a photo after successfully shooting down a pigeon, May 1918 

However, Fealton survived this attempt on his life, although he would not fully recover from his injuries until October. After the end of the war, Fealton, now flightless, hopped aboard a ship and travelled to Chicago. He spent the rest of his life shanking old ladies and engaging in shootouts with other birds, spiteful and mentally disturbed by what he had seen in WWI.

The 15-year-old Fealton died in 1927, after contracting syphilis from Al Capone.
Capone, who gave Fealton syphilis in 1927

The reasons for him dying from a preventable disease are disputed, but most historians conclude it was a lack of medical facilities capable of accommodating pigeons.
Fealton dying of syphilis, 1927



Comments

  1. AnonymousSeptember 6, 2022 at 2:19 PM

    Fealton is a hero and a deity

    ReplyDelete
  2. AnonymousSeptember 22, 2022 at 10:03 AM

    obviously we must begin equipping hospitals with the equipment necessary to treat pigeons

    ReplyDelete

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