JAKOBIAN JOURNALISM

 On the 22nd of March 2023, Ukrainian tanks engaged and destroyed a Taliban Battle-Walrus near Kiev.  This came as a great shock for Ukrainian forces, who feared that the Taliban was about to get involved in the war. Fortunately, investigations have concluded that the walrus, known as Tamsin, acted independently. As such, the Taliban will not be joining the war at this present time. Speaking on the matter, Ukrainian President Zelensky said in an interview: "It is fortunate that this walrus attack in Ukraine is not part of a larger attack. If we had to fight walruses as well as the Russians the war would swiftly end for us." Tamsin's armour has been used to reinforce several Ukrainian tanks and her body was later packed with explosives and dropped on Russian lines, causing much damage.

 Recently I have found out a terrifying truth - The trend of going vegan has become popular with the African Lion ( Panthera leo ) population. This has potentially devastating impacts on the ecosystem and the entire world. NOTE : This graph excludes the small population of lions in Asia, which we all know have been involved in the opium trade since 1854. As can be seen in this graph, the number of lions involved in agriculture has seen a dramatic increase since humans began to survey lions in 1700. This is potentially devastating, as lions are apex predators and vital for a functioning ecosystem anywhere on the planet (including in your intestines, where they eat your multiple tapeworms). If all lions go vegan, this will allow the zebra and wildebeest populations they usually prey on to purchase arms from Russia. Think about all the harm a zebra with an assault rifle could do. Surely now, you understand the danger? We all know that the moral of Animal Farm is that pigs are evil, bu...