LARGE INFLUX OF WALRUSES IN THE RANKS OF THE TALIBAN

 In late 2021, a US drone took images of at least 140 walruses (Odobenus rosmarus) that had travelled from the Arctic (most likely Norway) seeking work and ended up joining the Taliban, due to a lack of walrus-suitable jobs elsewhere. 

The likely route taken by the walruses from Norway to Afghanistan

These walruses were readily accepted into the ranks of the Taliban and our spies inform us that they have been given large suits of armour, allowing them to act as improvised tanks. However, their mobility on land is questionable to say the least, although the fact they crossed Europe to reach the Taliban shows that they are not to be underestimated.

Stolen blueprints for the armoured walrus
Our spies also report that as of September 2022, 47 out of ~140 walruses have been equipped with this armour, which makes them largely invulnerable to conventional weaponry.

There is a possible link to the Decabrachia in this story as well, as they had three opportunities to make contact with the heinous squid - first in the Atlantic Ocean, then in the Black Sea, before finally the Caspian Sea. If the Decabrachia are truly involved, then there is a serious risk not only to the neighbouring countries of Afghanistan, but the entire planet.

Fortunately, due to the withdrawal of troops from Afghanistan, there is no risk posed by these walruses to UN troops. However, one must fear for the population of Afghanistan and especially the country's large population of snow leopards called Penelope.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

ROBOT MOLE-RAT SHOWS UP AT WEDDING, EATS GROOM

Image
It was at 10:13pm on the outskirts of Perth, Australia when a large metal mole-rat not only objected to a marriage, but did so by devouring the groom. The mole-rat, known as as the AIRMR Robert-Muncher  was created by the disgruntled cannery worker, Will Willy Williams who felt jilted after the bride refused his marriage proposal in 2018. Williams started work on the  AIRMR Robert-Muncher in 2019. The robot had the sole purpose of objecting to the wedding by eating Robert Jones, the groom and former friend of Williams. A real life mole-rat, the  AIRMR Robert-Muncher was very similar to this, but metal.  In this endeavour it was successful and when the celebrant asked for any objections, the robot launched from the motorised wheelchair of its inventor and proceeded to maul Jones. The angry wedding guests attacked Williams, throwing his wheelchair off the nearby cliff, but by that point the damage was done. Jones was devoured and his body converted into canned spaghett...
Read more

LIONS AND VEGANISM

Image
 Recently I have found out a terrifying truth - The trend of going vegan has become popular with the African Lion ( Panthera leo ) population. This has potentially devastating impacts on the ecosystem and the entire world. NOTE : This graph excludes the small population of lions in Asia, which we all know have been involved in the opium trade since 1854. As can be seen in this graph, the number of lions involved in agriculture has seen a dramatic increase since humans began to survey lions in 1700. This is potentially devastating, as lions are apex predators and vital for a functioning ecosystem anywhere on the planet (including in your intestines, where they eat your multiple tapeworms). If all lions go vegan, this will allow the zebra and wildebeest populations they usually prey on to purchase arms from Russia. Think about all the harm a zebra with an assault rifle could do. Surely now, you understand the danger? We all know that the moral of Animal Farm is that pigs are evil, bu...
Read more